Autumn postcard from Belgrade: situation here is not really in plus. I feel depressed and tired. So, I am not in plus.
People. People are exhausting me. All of them are depressed, more or less. They are exhausting me with their gothic-trash-look, with their lovers’ fights on public places, with their numerous prejudices. Some things here are making me wanna puke. Constant nagging to this and that and that; big laziness; hard job for small money…
Nothing looks good in Belgrade. Their behavior is perfectly normal reaction.
(I feel some indefinite fear… Fear from being alive.)
So, I am hanging out mostly with guests in our country, cs friends and sister plus baby. They are my energizers.
Also – riding a bike to and from job, attending cs light parties, planning book promotions, photo walks with good friend and photographer who knows how to inspire a model in me… I am enjoying in lot of writing (very passionate poems and stories which are not suitable for publishing right now) and reading (Marquez, Pisarev, Pavic…)
After morning depression, days are spent in entrepreneurial behavior. That’s also an energizer – my active self. After digging up my index in some hidden corner, I am like a new student now – freshmen. Discussing with professors about my topic, considering A’dam chances and also few other nice cities as alternatives. Everybody is supporting the topic, to my surprise. It would be really a pleasure to write it, pleasure and a serious job. These days I am consulting professors, writers and critics, because I want to make the best selection of books.
In cs meeting everything is possible. Making strong conversation about conflicts in Man’s novels and controversies in Niche’s philosophy; siting at long table like on peasant’s wedding; listening toothless chick talking about me in very rude way. But that’s just like that (zo). I am used to communication with prejudices in A’dam; as I said – I like when two cities are look alike.
I am continuing to learn Dutch whenever I have time and I really enjoy in that soft sexy sounds.
These days I like and search for: children’s beauty and energy; Belgrade’s autumn, river and cost; supportive people; guys behaving friendly; intelligent provocative guys; my arse in colorful leggings; speed walking and speed cycling on my light bicycle; watching sometimes Rudolf for improving cooking skills and improving Dutch (words for the ingredients are important); good weed on my terrace with fast-workaholic-friend, while staring at shiny ball.
I am looking forward to the birthday presents; fair in Smederevska Palanka; intellectual adventures; life changes; something brand brand new.